The Rankings

In the spring and summer of 2020, we at MAGA’s Most Wanted noticed a major gap in the language of politics. We were limited to generalities about whether a particular politician was good or bad, likeable or unlikeable, competent and honest or mercilessly, ceaselessly, mindbogglingly incompetent and corrupt.

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In sports, stats are meticulously calculated and relative performance is judged and rewarded with All-Star Game invitations and MVP votes. Yet in politics we lack the means of comparing one cretinous swamp monster to another.  Until now.

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We want these cards to spark conversation and debate about how to rank MAGA’s Most Wanted. Sure, Trump seems like an obvious choice for the Ace of Spades, the worst of the worst, but he’s only been destroying the country for four years, while Mitch McConnell has been at it for decades! Did we fail to recognize the impact of the transparently-evil Steve Bannon by banishing him to the 8s? Could his noxious brand of racial-grievance politics have merited a face card? Who were the biggest snubs? Sure Eric Trump is dumber than a potato dipped in hair gel, but does he matter enough to get his own card? Who would he replace? Did Tom Cotton leapfrog Marco Rubio by saying that slavery was a necessary evil?

Like any good bar debate (remember bars?), the answer is unknowable and the argument is the point. Enjoy!